Friday, April 19, 2013

People I'd like to Throat Punch

Yes I have a list of people I'd like to Throat Punch...don't you???? It's not like I really would, I really want to, but of course I can't.  I can make a list and get a good laugh out of it.

People I want to Throat Punch:

* all the ladies I had to spend the afternoon with a week or so ago. I also now want to burn all my designer bags because of these same women.   Wear a LV with and a Target outfit and I couldn't agree more, wear an LV bag with rhinestone cowgirl flip flops and guns a blazing t-shirt and I want to rip the LV bag out of your hand as if I was rescuing it.

* Pookie's principal...please, please, please, stop talking to me...I am not listening. If  it's not about Pookie then lets move along, stop holding up car line.

* the umpire at most baseball games.

* the neighbors cat.

* anyone who works at the AT&T, Apple or Best Buy retail stores. I LOVE my Ipad but would rather be throat punched than go to the Apple, AT&T or Best Buy store.

* the mailman, but only when he shoves a package the size of a watermelon in my mailbox because he didn't want to bring it to the door.

* the makers of Game of Thrones! You suck and should be throat punched for making us wait so long in between seasons.

* the woman in our town who wears her name badge EVERY where she goes. I bet she sleeps in it. Actually I shouldn't pick on her, maybe it's a reminder. I've seen her at parties with it on.

*the waitress who ask me if diet Pepsi is ok.

* the next person who tells me how lucky I am to live in the country.

* the lady at the MAC counter when she tells me they are out of Cultured lip gloss.

*the woman in our tiny town who makes voodoo dolls out of hair and drinks chicken blood. No, she doesn't really drink chicken blood.

* the woman who was talking shit about halter horses in front of Pookie and she know that Pookie has two.

* Kim Kardashian

* the person who said I should move to the city if I didn't like country life...WOW I never thought about that!

* the woman who recently tried to explain to me why I should give bar be que a another try. This was very difficult to leave alone. I promise I almost looked at her and asked if she'd give shit another try.

* the maker of Rainbow Loom. Thank you for this heaping pile of mess! Rubber bands everywhere.

* the man at Lowe's who told me to ask my husband if the mailbox post I wanted to order was ok. Throat punch was really not what I wanted to do to him, I really wanted to tell him "I asked my husband and he said I could not only order the post but I could shove it up your ass too."  I didn't!!!!!! Take a deep breath...

*  Tori Spelling...I actually love her, but OMG four children and look that great.

* the woman who asked me what Lilly Pulitzer was (I should have asked her if she lived in a cave.)

* the driver that almost hit Little Einstein and ruined his bike and then DIDN'T buy him a new bike. THIS person really should be Throat Punched!!!!

* the mom on our baseball team who sold ZERO fundraiser tickets. Thank you for your support.

* tom cruise

* anyone who ask to join my card group - four years, four women...enough said.

* the checker at HEB who ask what I'm going to do with "that"   -I did answer her "take it home"

I am being silly, I have never throat punched anyone, obviously I've day dreamed about it.
Who do you want to throat punch???????? don't say me, that's a given.


  1. Ha, loved it.

    I'd like to throat punch JCrew, I can't stay away from that store. They kill me.


  2. Oh well...let's see here...
    *the dance mom who NEVER pays her fees on time.
    *teachers I work with who whine about how low their kids are, but don't do a darned thing differently to help them.
    *late people, anyone & anywhere.
    *the cashier who continued to hold a conversation with a coworker while checking me out and looked at me like I was interrupting them!
    *this IG woman that keeps making mod podge cute loot that I am frickin jelly over!!

    Love and Hugs,
    Mrs. Kindergarten...aka...Madame Spoiled

  3. I'm with you on the Diet Pepsi waitress! But I'd like to meet the voodoo doll lady maybe she could help you with the Diet pepsi woman.

    You make me laugh!

  4. Your too much Tik. haha And I had to Google Lilly Pulitzer. (no cave woman here) I'm not into bright colors and floral print. Just a simple woman living a simple life! PS. I'm more of an animal print lady!

  5. With all the violence in the world why would you post something like this. Not everyone is as superficial and shallow as you they don't know who Lily Pulitzer is big freaking deal maybe they care about things that are a lot more important than what outfits they wear each day and about adding another over priced purse to their collection. Can't you right about something meaningful like what you did to help a person in need or how you were kind to someone who was feeling down instead of the stupid drivel!!!

  6. I would love to hear more about the women you spent time with that you is way too short to spend time with people that you do not like, Tikaa! And, is it me, I am not following about the LV purses? Are the women in your town jealous because you can afford to buy nice things? If so, forget them!!! Love ya!

  7. This is hilarious!!! My list would be
    - anyone who says "lemme ax you a question?"
    the anonymous poster above who needs a lot of prayer!!!
    - and FYI...I don't want to join your card game but I would like to get in on the mahjong!!! That's my jam!!!
    Love the post pretty girl and hope your having a fabu week you Mod-Podge queen you!!!

  8. oh my goodness, miss your post.

  9. The dog groomer bitch who thinks she should get $20,000 out of me for being a part of my stepfather n' laws life for 2 years when she's not even a member of our family!
    That's who I'd like to throat punch.

  10. Too many people to count! Throat punch their ass!